NL Moore & Associates wants to thank our good friend, Senior Pastor Jon Platek at Maple Grove Evangelical Free Church for contibuting today’s blog post. You can find out more about Maple Grove Evangelical Free Church at http://www.mgefc.org/
A vast majority of pastors and ministry leaders love Jesus deeply and love the ministry where God has called them to serve. I love Jesus deeply and love the church where I serve. But recently, my heart deceived me. I wonder if your heart has ever deceived you like mine did.
I belong to a pastors’ group in our area. The pastors who attend are wonderful men and I enjoy their company during our regular lunch meetings. A couple of the men have retired recently. One of the pastors, following his retirement, began visiting different area churches each Sunday. He warned me that one Sunday he would show up at my church. To be honest, I didn’t really believe him.
He had pastored a church of several thousand people each week. My church is not large. His church had a wonderful building with state-of-the-art offices, classrooms and worship center. My church does not. He is a well-respected and accomplished pastor in the area. I am not. For all of these reasons and many more I was convinced that he would never find his way to my church on a Sunday.
Then one unusually warm sunny February Sunday morning, I was in the lobby greeting the people of the church when in walks my friend and his wife. He smiled warmly and shook my hand. He said, “I warned you I would show up.” He was right, he had.
From that moment on I found myself becoming incredibly self-conscience. I immediately began to hope that this Sunday we might have record attendance. As the service began I found myself becoming internally critical of our service. Every detail, every hesitation in switching the song lyrics, every misspoken word, every potentially missed harmony (as if I would actually know) each “mistake” set alarms off in my head. As I stepped up to preach I questioned if I had spent enough time in sermon prep and prayer. I felt the warm rush of insecurity flowing over me. In my mind I began to make excuses for my perceived missteps or lack of execution. I thought I might catch my friend after the service and like the Apostle Paul “defend” my ministry.
The service ended and I was caught at the front of the worship center by well meaning parishioners seeking time with their pastor. I watched my friend slip out the back of the room. He was gone. I moved along to prepare for the next service. That afternoon I was exhausted, disappointed and discouraged. I replayed all of my observed “gaffs” over and over again in my mind.
Do I really love my church?
On Monday morning I thought I would drop my pastor friend a nice email thanking him for the visit. While carefully crafting the email I asked myself why I felt the need to write. It occurred to me that in writing this email I wasn’t really thanking my friend; I was seeking his approval. I wanted to be validated. I wanted him to say, “Well done good and successful pastor.”
I stopped writing the email. I began to experience another warm rush; it was the rush of shame. I realized that over that past several hours I was using my church to prove to my friend that I somehow matter. In that moment God’s approval was not enough for me. I was seeking the approval of my successful pastor friend. In my heart I was using the church where I pastor to prove my significance, value and self worth.
That Monday morning I realized I failed to love my church. I was more concerned with what I thought my church could do for me, bring me, and make me than its growth, health and purpose. It wasn’t intentional, but it was real. I forgot that my church is not about me! I had to spend quality time with God repenting and asking him to forgive me for using his church for my selfish gain.
Has your heart ever deceived you like mine did? Pastors and ministry leaders must always be aware of the heart’s subtle shift that takes God’s wonderful gift of his church designed for his glory and turns it into my church for my glory. Friends, your church is not about you!